I made declarations to my self that I aim to complete.
I like to think of myself as a woman of her word. Mean what I say and say what I mean. Life can get in the way sometimes but I always come back to it.
Somewhere along the way my detour got bumpy. I even got stuck. I pulled myself out of it. Every single time. The rain stopped but it was hard to forget the storm. It doesn’t serve me holding on to the thunder and the lightning. Letting go and staying gone takes practice. I have to try harder than the day before. I promised myself nothing in this world would ever keep me from me, ever again.
I write when I want to write. Jump when I see fit and laugh all of the time. Lines deepening daily. “She laughed a lot.” Is what the wrinkles say. I’ll take that. Laughing at myself mostly for the silly mistakes. The misspellings and misinterpretations. Laughing more about the mishaps bring on an ease to life. None of this is real.
So I vowed to be gentle with myself. Allow myself the time as much time as I need. I know what it’s like to rush. What it’s like when the time is running out. The pressure and adrenaline to beat the clock. I use to get a satisfaction from it. Not anymore. I don’t have a desire to rush to be rushed. Keep going is what I’ve got as long as I’m breathing.
No one or thing will make me lose my mind. I give what I want to give. When I gave more, I got less. Giving became desperation when operating from a deficit. Another lesson learned. So I stopped pouring into bottomless cups. What was I even looking for? What did I think I could get from them? Don’t get desperate. Don’t abandon self.
Victim hood is temporary. Heal however you need to. Rational thoughts arise when you go beyond self. When you consider all things because life isn’t happening to me. I’m apart of it. I contribute to my outcomes.
No matter what, KEEP GOING!
Something About Stephanie 