Almost Forty

I’ll be forty in about two weeks. I share a birthday with my twin. She will be forty in about two weeks, ha.

It’s official, I’m grown, grown now. The law determines adulthood but you don’t really become an adult until you fully take care of your whole self. Everything else is sort of, kinda.

I was not grown when I aimlessly navigated college from 18 to 22. I was sort of grown when I had my first child at 25 and the second baby at 27. I didn’t feel grown buying a house at 28. I was kinda grown when I got married at 30. I was almost grown when we moved our family across the country at 32. I was looking for the adults to help when life was happening throughout my early to middle thirties.

Somehow we figured out how to grow up. Grownups pay their bills and take care of their responsibilities. I hate responsibility. I’ve daydreamed about a life without them. Why do I have to figure out so much stuff? Deciding what’s best for the family and saving some kind of money. Why can’t I just go to my room and let someone else do it all?! Because I’m grown that’s why.

Adulting, parenting, maturing, partnership, all of these things took so much time and gaining experience. The experiences provided the wisdom. I’ve done enough at this point to know the importance of growing up.

I was mimicking before. Cosplaying if you will. Going about life as if there was in instruction manual. Take these steps and avoid those mistakes and you will be fine. Some of that is true but life is not a one size fits all thing. I got lost and found several times. Lots of unlearning. When the veil was lifted and real life was revealed, I got sad. Then bitter, then sad again. I felt forgotten. I didn’t really know who I was. Bla, bla, bla.

That was not me. I didn’t want to succomb to the negative aspects of what life can give at you. Observe and reflect.

I started listening to high frequency rhythms. Praying more and trying to be quiet. It’s hard to shut up sometimes. I also slowed down. That go, go, go ain’t me no mo.

Defining my life with meaningful actions. I’m a giver and I’ve aligned with the universe to be a receiver. Give to me in abundance, let my cup runneth over. Allow me to shine my light in the most beautiful, impactful ways.

So, come on 40! I’m embracing this coming decade with the warmest of hugs. Closer to my dreams.